Before I get into the change part of this blog I guess a little back story is needed. Like a lot of other people in this world I grew up in a “not so wealthy” environment where at one point we actually lived in a car for a bit. Now before we go any further, I don’t want people to think I am using this as a ploy to get sympathy because I don’t want it. I have always felt they way my family lived and the way I grew up in the environment that I did made me the guy typing this blog. I love who I am. I learned at an early age that you have to be mentally tough to survive growing up on the poor side of the tracks. I will be the first to admit that I had a lot of sad youthful years but all they did was toughen me up to endure the rest of my life.
Now I walk around with a great deal of confidence because I love the person I turned out to be. Does that mean I don’t feel sadness? No. As a matter a fact I feel sad just about everyday. Most people who know me probably would be surprised to know that I am filled with a great deal of pain and sadness throughout 90% of my day.
So where does this sadness come from? Lets get back to the story. Being from a poorer family we did’t have much but what I always had was my older brother. Although he flat out tortured me (another reason for my strength) I admired the hell out of him. While I was home feeling sorry for myself because I didn’t have the things other kids had, Scott was hanging out with friends living life like he had no worries. He was who I would aspire to be like throughout the years to come.
Just as I was starting to figure things out and feel a little more comfortable a bomb dropped. Scott announced he was moving out. Not just moving out but moving away. Scott would end up in South Florida, and I would end up confused and alone. I never really admitted it to people before but watching Scott walk out the door was painful as hell. I wouldn’t feel pain like that again till he passed away 2 years ago.
I spent 12 years in NJ with my older brother and about 12 years without him. In 2002 I lost my grandfather and Scott came back home for the funeral at which time he met my girlfriend, and now wife, Tina. After the funeral we all ended up sitting around a fire drinking and talking about life. We spent a while joking about Tina and I moving to Florida to live and work with Scott. Although I have always dreamed of this since the day he left NJ I didn’t really think it would happen.
It was a few months later that Scott had called me out of the blue and basically asked if Tina and I were ready to move. We really weren’t but that didn’t stop us from packing up the essentials, jumping in a car and driving south. Tina and I quickly realized we hated South Florida, but finally being with Scott made it bearable. Now if you remember I said Scott passed away 2 years ago, and since then Tina and I have had no reason to stay in Florida except for a couple of great friends and our jobs.
Recently I have decided I just can’t take it anymore. All Florida is to me anymore is the place I lost my brother and it breaks my heart. I am going to miss my friends but I need to get out. I have taken a big step and have requested a transfer from my job. They are opening a new location in South Carolina and I pray that my transfer goes through because I don’t want to be here anymore. South Carolina will be a much needed fresh start for Tina and I. I know you all are doing me a solid just by reading my shit but if you all could send a little luck my way I would really appreciate it.